“I do believe that life is too short“

With a singing career which took him all the way to Elvis's studio, Sycamore House's resident quiz-master Del has performing in his blood - and is determined to make the most of every moment.

I was born in Fulham off Wandsworth Bridge Road, in Hammersmith Hospital. I was bought up with my grandparents and my mother and I lived with them, along with my aunt and uncle. When I was eight, we moved to Roehampton. I didn’t know what a bath was until I went there. Mine was a tin bath and I was always the last one in it.

My grandfather would take me to a musical theatre show every Friday night and I used to see people like The Crazy Gang and Norman Wisdom. My mum would take me to shows at the London Palladium. So I did the same with my kids: we used to take them to Leicester Square and get half-price tickets.

One Saturday night I went to a show and a lady was sitting on the stage singing ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’. It made the hair on the back on my neck stand up. I found out afterwards that it was Judy Garland.

How did you get involved in performing?

My genre of music was a mixture of Engelbert, Elvis and Tony Christie, Tom Jones and Sinatra. It started when I was growing up. My friend’s dad was an entertainment secretary in a club in Roehampton. We used to go there on a Saturday night, and they would call people up to sing. I was around 18 years old. They would say “Del, come up! Can you sing this for us?”.

I became the entertainment secretary at the Shepherd’s Bush Club, formerly known as the Goldhawk Social Club, where I currently organise their live music. I book the live music at Sycamore House as well, for residents’ birthdays or entertainment nights.

I have performed in Tunisia, Portugal and Spain. My friend, a drummer, who I’ve known since I was 11 years old and I went to America and I recorded music in Sun Studio where Elvis recorded. It’s still the same: the instruments are there, and we went into the booth and recorded ‘My Way’, Elvis style. You can’t just sing some songs, you have to perform them. Somebody writes those lyrics, and it means a lot to them. My job as a singer is to bring that out.

One of the best things I did was go to Monte Gordo in Portugal. I had time off from work and at the same time I had lost my youngest son. My wife said for me to go abroad as I found it difficult to stay at home.

I found a random a bar and saw a guy playing the piano and I sat next to him. I said to him “Do you know this song?” and I sung it with him. Once I finished the manager of the bar said: “Can you come in tonight and perform?”. Nine years later I was going there a few times a year. I performed at bars, a casino and a country club.

Tell us about your family.

My son’s names are Steve, Scott and Simon. My youngest son was diagnosed at 9 with a brain tumour, and was with us for three years after his diagnosis.

My middle son Scott used to take Simon to a place called ‘Phab Club’, which arranged for the children to go Buckingham Palace Mews to learn to ride a horse. It was run by Lady Joan Bader; she was the wife of Douglas Bader, an airline pilot who lost his legs during the war. The Queen would sometimes pop in and help with the riding lessons.

Simon was a big Arsenal supporter. One of his physiotherapists was an Arsenal seasonal ticket holder and she spoke to the club to arrange if he could watch the player’s train. We went to the Highbury grounds, and we sat in the manager boxes. The team were fantastic with him and made him laugh when I showed them that I was wearing my Fulham football shirt. I have a photo of him on that day in my living room.

We received a red and white football and letter from Arsenal Football Club. Fulham Football Club sent a black and white football and the Chairman of the club sent a Rolls Royce with a player on Simon’s funeral day.

What’s it like living in sheltered housing?

I have been here for around seven and half years now. It’s great having access to a garden right outside my living room. I originally came here for my wife’s benefit as she was in a wheelchair due to her health. We moved in here in the summer and I sadly lost her the following February. We only had a brief time living in Sycamore House together. My second son Scott and my granddaughter passed away last year.

My eldest son lives in Belfast. I am only able to travel short distances, so I haven’t been able to see my family as much. But I have WhatsApp and we talk, share photos and videos with each other and my son always calls me on the weekend.

The scheme manager at Sycamore House, Chris, has been fantastic. When Scott died, Chris checked up on me and made sure I was okay. He gave me the company when I needed it.

They are lovely people here. The staff are great. The best thing is you have your privacy, but the company is there if you need it. I am the quiz master here every Thursday. The residents get together after our coffee morning, and we have a good laugh.

Find out more

Know someone who’s over 60, on a low income and in need of a safe and affordable home?
Find out about our sheltered housing in Hammersmith with beautiful award-winning gardens.

Mental health trauma is the unseen side of domestic abuse

“People feel uncomfortable talking about domestic abuse, and there’s little understanding about its impact on emotional and mental wellbeing.”

UNiTE to End Violence against Women is an annual campaign led by the UN. The campaign kicks off on 25th November – the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women – and runs until Human Rights Day on 10^th December.

Most violence against women is committed by the woman’s husband or other intimate partner. It happens in every country across the globe; 1.4 million women in the UK experience domestic abuse each year and, on average, one woman is killed by a male partner or ex-partner every week.

However, even more worrying are stats from the UK’s police chiefs – which point to more women affected by domestic abuse taking their own lives than were murdered by a partner or former partner. Yet there is very little awareness of or discussion around what is arguably a secondary and largely invisible impact on women.

That’s where organisations like Woman’s Trust come in. Set up almost thirty years ago, Woman’s Trust has an exclusive and specialist focus on providing free mental health care to address the trauma caused by domestic abuse and the effect this has on women in their daily lives – often going undiagnosed for years, sometimes even decades after the relationship has ended.

Woman giving talk on domestic abuse to other women Woman’s Trust has received a number of grants from us since 2012. The London-based charity has supported tens of thousands of women with free therapy and counselling and has been a literal lifesaver for women at some of the most desperate times of their lives.

A client of Woman’s Trust said: “My experience getting help and support from Woman’s Trust was invaluable. I was not in a good place and didn’t know that I was in an abusive relationship for all those years and what was abusive about it. When it’s psychological abuse it’s very difficult to decipher. WT helped me to see things and to understand what was happening to me, which made me understand why I have been feeling so depressed for so many years.”

Tessa Hazzard from Woman’s Trust told us, “People feel uncomfortable talking about domestic abuse. They don’t even want to think about it. Many people still aren’t aware of the significant trauma and depression it can cause. That’s exactly why it’s so important to keep it in the public eye.”

According to Tessa, there are still many misconceptions around domestic abuse, from what it entails to how likely it is to happen and the way it affects survivors on a practical and emotional level.

Many people don’t realise that the term ‘domestic abuse’ covers a wide range of abusive behaviour, from physical violence to economic control and psychological abuse.

Women who experience domestic abuse are twice as likely to experience depression as those who don’t, and it can take a long time to process the trauma – or even recognise that mental health challenges are caused by domestic abuse. Counselling is invaluable, but it’s difficult to access on the NHS and even more rare to get specialists who understand the unique ways in which survivors are affected, which is why charities like Woman’s Trust are so important.

Tessa shares, “We offer up to 18 confidential, non-judgemental sessions with the same counsellor, so you have time to build rapport and trust. Sessions are held at the same time each week and can be online or face-to-face in a women-only setting. More importantly, we are led by the women themselves, who decide what is affecting them the most at any time, and we help them to unpack that and find ways to address it.”

Get support

If you’re experiencing (or have experienced) domestic abuse, and you want to find out about counselling sessions in London, contact Woman’s Trust on:

020 7034 0303
Email: office@womanstrust.org.uk

(Office hours: Mon-Fri, 9:30am – 5pm)

If you want to make a professional referral for someone under your care or supervision, call Woman’s Trust on 020 7034 0303.

For immediate advice or support, please call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

Angelou is a partnership of West Central London services that support women and girls affected by domestic violence and abuse. You can call Angelou for free on 0808 801 0660, email angelou@advancecharity.org.uk or visit www.angelou.org to find out more.

If you’re a man experiencing domestic abuse, call Respect’s Men’s Advice Line on 0808 8010327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit https://mensadviceline.org.uk. The ManKind charity can also help you to escape an abusive situation.

New resident Ann shares her thoughts about living at John Betts House.

Why did you decide to apply for a flat here?

I was living in an almshouse in Notting Hill, but they sold the building and we all had to move out. Their plan was to use the money to build a bigger almshouse to accommodate more people. In the meantime, they were going to house us in alternative accommodation, but that was going to be miles away in North London.

I simply didn’t want to go. I’ve always lived in this area, and my daughter lives in Hammersmith. Miraculously, I knew about Hammersmith United Charities’ other almshouse, Sycamore House, so my daughter went to see the Scheme Manager Chris. While there wasn’t a flat available in Sycamore House, luckily one came up in John Betts. I was so grateful. And I must say, I am very happy with my little flat. It’s absolutely lovely.

What makes you happy with the flat?

When I came to see the flat, it had been occupied for a very long time, so I asked if they could possibly repaint it all white. They did that, so I have this smart little drawing room, and they also put in a new kitchen and new bathroom. It’s just heaven.

It is a little on the small side; I had to get rid of an awful lot of my furniture, but other than that it’s perfect. My daughter is nearby and my three grandsons come to have supper, which is lovely.

Do you like the outside space?

The garden is wonderful and I have a gorgeous ginkgo tree just outside my front door, which gives me huge pleasure. I’m quite disabled, so I can’t do much gardening, but I did bring a rose bush with me from my previous garden, and two camellia bushes, which are sitting on either side of my front door.

It’s a marvellous setup really – a wonderful oasis in the middle of a busy city. It’s so quiet and I feel very safe here.

Have you met many of the other residents?

I’ve met one or two, who have been tremendously kind. I went to the Macmillan Coffee Morning. One can go to weekly coffee mornings, but they’re a bit early for me.

Do you feel that you’ve been welcomed by the Scheme Manager and other Hammersmith United Charities employees?

Everybody has been so helpful and nice. I’m just so relieved I made this choice and that they were able to accommodate me. I’m extremely happy here.

Find out more about living in one of our almshouses

October was Black History Month, so we decided it was high time to celebrate one of our own heroes: Atinuke Adenigbagbe.

Atinuke (fondly called Tinu by her friends) is the Scheme Manager at John Betts House.

Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

I moved to London from Nigeria 32 years ago and have been working in health and social care for 23 years, focusing on mental health, social care and housing. I am passionate about making a positive impact on people’s lives.

I have four wonderful children and what I call my ‘community family.’ As a Sunday school teacher, I love listening to people and sign-posting them to the help they need, as many struggle alone. It’s fulfilling to use my skills and training to support my community.

And what does your job at Hammersmith United Charities entail?

I started at John Betts in July 2023. My primary role is to ensure that residents have a safe and secure home, making sure everything is functioning properly and that everyone is well taken care of. I also assist residents with applications for adaptation aids and Housing Benefit, and I have good professional relationships with our local surgeries. Residents know they can always come to us for support.

We host weekly coffee mornings, and on the first Thursday of each month, we enjoy fish and chips together. On the last Thursday, one of our residents cooks a meal for everyone. And I look forward to more resident-led activities in the coming year.

It must be reassuring for residents and their families to know that you’re here to offer support?

It’s incredibly reassuring. For instance, when one resident was in the hospital, I checked in regularly, asking if there was anything I could help with. Another resident, who has a life-limiting illness, often tells us, “If it wasn’t for the support that is available living here, I don’t think I’d still be here.” It is reassuring to know that residents value the offered support, and it gives families peace of mind, which comes back to me been satisfied with the work I do.

You must get to know some of the residents really well?

Absolutely! They get to know us too. For example, now that my younger daughter is at university, residents often ask how she’s doing, and they share pictures of their grandchildren or stories of their university life, which are always very interesting to listen to.

Do you enjoy working for Hammersmith United Charities?

Yes, I truly feel we are a supportive team. I lost my sister last year, and the level of support I received, particularly from the Chief Executive, was beyond what I expected. Even though I hadn’t completed my probation, I felt encouraged to express my grief, and their support helped me feel at home here. I’m proud to be part of this team and the impact we make in the community is amazing.

I believe you ran activities at John Betts House to celebrate Black History Month?

Every Tuesday, we watched stories highlighting the contributions of Black individuals to our area. Despite the discrimination they faced, such as signs saying, “No dogs, no Blacks, no Irish,” their impact has been significant. Residents engaged with the videos, reminiscing and sharing memories, and we enjoyed tea and cake together afterward!

Do you have any Black heroes?

I greatly admire Nelson Mandela. He inspires me with his resilience; despite his struggles, he always saw hope. His journey reminds me not to give up on myself. As a Black person, I believe in the importance of resilience – keeping your head high and believing in yourself is essential. In my role, we receive training in dignity, diversity and inclusion, promoting equality and acceptance for everyone.

We asked one of our residents, Clodagh, about Tinu. She said, “From the first day she arrived, it was clear that Tinu had brought with her a deep knowledge of community living and the needs of residents – support, a listener, a problem-solver, and a proactive approach to health and wellness, both physical and mental. 

“She walks smiling into any meeting and lights it up with ideas, plans and information, and leaves us to decide. She absolutely owns her role in a sometimes difficult and complex job.” 