Parenting, the Funpact way

When her children approached the pre-teen years, Elise Pacquette became concerned that she knew nothing about what it was like growing up in today's society. How could she lead children into independence in a world very different to the world she grew up in?

“Parenting is tough, really tough. While some think that once kids start to become more independent it gets easier – well, in some ways it gets harder.

So the parents/carers go to parenting classes, teens go off to PSHE classes at school. But they are getting different information, at different times. As a parent myself I just couldn’t understand that there were no courses for parents and young people to attend together.

It didn’t make sense to me that this didn’t exist, so I set it up myself. Now Funpact enables parents/carers and their children to come together, have fun and learn about independence, forming a firm foundation for further discussion at home together.

We run transition to secondary workshops for year 6s and their parents/carers, helping them both feel ready for the next chapter in their lives. Our course, Bridging the Gap, focuses on the social, emotional, financial and practical aspects of growing up. Ambition 2 Success is run as a one-day workshop in schools for both parents/carers and pupils to attend. It helps them create a positive trajectory for their lives and learn strategy and problem solving skills.

It’s not been at all easy – the learning curve to get Funpact to where it is now has often been pretty much vertical. I am often self-medicating on chocolate under my duvet! My background – as an illustrator, painter, stage manager, sign language interpreter, prop making tutor – didn’t help me much when setting up Funpact. I had no idea what I was doing but I was driven by an unrelenting passion to see change in how families are supported towards their children’s independence. And one thing I do know about myself is that I have grit.

And now there are so many stories of families who have come up to us and told us of the impact courses have made well after they have attended them. That the course helped the bond between them and their child, helping them better understand each other.

I remember one teen who was really struggling in school, and didn’t open up to his mum at all. Through our course that relationship started to grow and he started to share some of the stuff that was going on for him. The parent was then able to give him the support he needed and everything got sorted out.

There was also a father whose work shifts meant he hardly saw his son. But he managed to come to the first session of a six-week course and enjoyed it so much he changed his shifts so he could attend the course and spend more time with his son. So it’s not just what we explore during the courses but the relationships they help.

We are indebted to our youth alumni, who help us regularly update our sessions based on their expertise and lived experience. And I can honestly say that without Hammersmith United Charities’ funding we probably wouldn’t exist today. Hammersmith United Charities gave Funpact our first ever grant and have supported us ever since as we have grown. Through this funding we can now support year 6 pupils in over 20 schools in Hammersmith and Fulham, run Bridging the Gap in five schools and three community venues and Ambition 2 Success in five schools.

Up until now, I have been working alone in the back room, but this year because of our Hammersmith United Charities grant, I will have two new team members to join me for a few hours a week to help us grow. This is incredibly exciting!”

Find out more

More about Funpact’s services and courses
Find out more about Hammersmith United Charities’s grants programme and other organisations we’ve funded

Picture gallery – Funpact at work:

Mental health trauma is the unseen side of domestic abuse

“People feel uncomfortable talking about domestic abuse, and there’s little understanding about its impact on emotional and mental wellbeing.”

UNiTE to End Violence against Women is an annual campaign led by the UN. The campaign kicks off on 25th November – the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women – and runs until Human Rights Day on 10^th December.

Most violence against women is committed by the woman’s husband or other intimate partner. It happens in every country across the globe; 1.4 million women in the UK experience domestic abuse each year and, on average, one woman is killed by a male partner or ex-partner every week.

However, even more worrying are stats from the UK’s police chiefs – which point to more women affected by domestic abuse taking their own lives than were murdered by a partner or former partner. Yet there is very little awareness of or discussion around what is arguably a secondary and largely invisible impact on women.

That’s where organisations like Woman’s Trust come in. Set up almost thirty years ago, Woman’s Trust has an exclusive and specialist focus on providing free mental health care to address the trauma caused by domestic abuse and the effect this has on women in their daily lives – often going undiagnosed for years, sometimes even decades after the relationship has ended.

Woman giving talk on domestic abuse to other women Woman’s Trust has received a number of grants from us since 2012. The London-based charity has supported tens of thousands of women with free therapy and counselling and has been a literal lifesaver for women at some of the most desperate times of their lives.

A client of Woman’s Trust said: “My experience getting help and support from Woman’s Trust was invaluable. I was not in a good place and didn’t know that I was in an abusive relationship for all those years and what was abusive about it. When it’s psychological abuse it’s very difficult to decipher. WT helped me to see things and to understand what was happening to me, which made me understand why I have been feeling so depressed for so many years.”

Tessa Hazzard from Woman’s Trust told us, “People feel uncomfortable talking about domestic abuse. They don’t even want to think about it. Many people still aren’t aware of the significant trauma and depression it can cause. That’s exactly why it’s so important to keep it in the public eye.”

According to Tessa, there are still many misconceptions around domestic abuse, from what it entails to how likely it is to happen and the way it affects survivors on a practical and emotional level.

Many people don’t realise that the term ‘domestic abuse’ covers a wide range of abusive behaviour, from physical violence to economic control and psychological abuse.

Women who experience domestic abuse are twice as likely to experience depression as those who don’t, and it can take a long time to process the trauma – or even recognise that mental health challenges are caused by domestic abuse. Counselling is invaluable, but it’s difficult to access on the NHS and even more rare to get specialists who understand the unique ways in which survivors are affected, which is why charities like Woman’s Trust are so important.

Tessa shares, “We offer up to 18 confidential, non-judgemental sessions with the same counsellor, so you have time to build rapport and trust. Sessions are held at the same time each week and can be online or face-to-face in a women-only setting. More importantly, we are led by the women themselves, who decide what is affecting them the most at any time, and we help them to unpack that and find ways to address it.”

Get support

If you’re experiencing (or have experienced) domestic abuse, and you want to find out about counselling sessions in London, contact Woman’s Trust on:

020 7034 0303
Email: office@womanstrust.org.uk

(Office hours: Mon-Fri, 9:30am – 5pm)

If you want to make a professional referral for someone under your care or supervision, call Woman’s Trust on 020 7034 0303.

For immediate advice or support, please call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

Angelou is a partnership of West Central London services that support women and girls affected by domestic violence and abuse. You can call Angelou for free on 0808 801 0660, email angelou@advancecharity.org.uk or visit www.angelou.org to find out more.

If you’re a man experiencing domestic abuse, call Respect’s Men’s Advice Line on 0808 8010327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit https://mensadviceline.org.uk. The ManKind charity can also help you to escape an abusive situation.

New resident Ann shares her thoughts about living at John Betts House.

Why did you decide to apply for a flat here?

I was living in an almshouse in Notting Hill, but they sold the building and we all had to move out. Their plan was to use the money to build a bigger almshouse to accommodate more people. In the meantime, they were going to house us in alternative accommodation, but that was going to be miles away in North London.

I simply didn’t want to go. I’ve always lived in this area, and my daughter lives in Hammersmith. Miraculously, I knew about Hammersmith United Charities’ other almshouse, Sycamore House, so my daughter went to see the Scheme Manager Chris. While there wasn’t a flat available in Sycamore House, luckily one came up in John Betts. I was so grateful. And I must say, I am very happy with my little flat. It’s absolutely lovely.

What makes you happy with the flat?

When I came to see the flat, it had been occupied for a very long time, so I asked if they could possibly repaint it all white. They did that, so I have this smart little drawing room, and they also put in a new kitchen and new bathroom. It’s just heaven.

It is a little on the small side; I had to get rid of an awful lot of my furniture, but other than that it’s perfect. My daughter is nearby and my three grandsons come to have supper, which is lovely.

Do you like the outside space?

The garden is wonderful and I have a gorgeous ginkgo tree just outside my front door, which gives me huge pleasure. I’m quite disabled, so I can’t do much gardening, but I did bring a rose bush with me from my previous garden, and two camellia bushes, which are sitting on either side of my front door.

It’s a marvellous setup really – a wonderful oasis in the middle of a busy city. It’s so quiet and I feel very safe here.

Have you met many of the other residents?

I’ve met one or two, who have been tremendously kind. I went to the Macmillan Coffee Morning. One can go to weekly coffee mornings, but they’re a bit early for me.

Do you feel that you’ve been welcomed by the Scheme Manager and other Hammersmith United Charities employees?

Everybody has been so helpful and nice. I’m just so relieved I made this choice and that they were able to accommodate me. I’m extremely happy here.

Find out more about living in one of our almshouses

October was Black History Month, so we decided it was high time to celebrate one of our own heroes: Atinuke Adenigbagbe.

Atinuke (fondly called Tinu by her friends) is the Scheme Manager at John Betts House.

Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

I moved to London from Nigeria 32 years ago and have been working in health and social care for 23 years, focusing on mental health, social care and housing. I am passionate about making a positive impact on people’s lives.

I have four wonderful children and what I call my ‘community family.’ As a Sunday school teacher, I love listening to people and sign-posting them to the help they need, as many struggle alone. It’s fulfilling to use my skills and training to support my community.

And what does your job at Hammersmith United Charities entail?

I started at John Betts in July 2023. My primary role is to ensure that residents have a safe and secure home, making sure everything is functioning properly and that everyone is well taken care of. I also assist residents with applications for adaptation aids and Housing Benefit, and I have good professional relationships with our local surgeries. Residents know they can always come to us for support.

We host weekly coffee mornings, and on the first Thursday of each month, we enjoy fish and chips together. On the last Thursday, one of our residents cooks a meal for everyone. And I look forward to more resident-led activities in the coming year.

It must be reassuring for residents and their families to know that you’re here to offer support?

It’s incredibly reassuring. For instance, when one resident was in the hospital, I checked in regularly, asking if there was anything I could help with. Another resident, who has a life-limiting illness, often tells us, “If it wasn’t for the support that is available living here, I don’t think I’d still be here.” It is reassuring to know that residents value the offered support, and it gives families peace of mind, which comes back to me been satisfied with the work I do.

You must get to know some of the residents really well?

Absolutely! They get to know us too. For example, now that my younger daughter is at university, residents often ask how she’s doing, and they share pictures of their grandchildren or stories of their university life, which are always very interesting to listen to.

Do you enjoy working for Hammersmith United Charities?

Yes, I truly feel we are a supportive team. I lost my sister last year, and the level of support I received, particularly from the Chief Executive, was beyond what I expected. Even though I hadn’t completed my probation, I felt encouraged to express my grief, and their support helped me feel at home here. I’m proud to be part of this team and the impact we make in the community is amazing.

I believe you ran activities at John Betts House to celebrate Black History Month?

Every Tuesday, we watched stories highlighting the contributions of Black individuals to our area. Despite the discrimination they faced, such as signs saying, “No dogs, no Blacks, no Irish,” their impact has been significant. Residents engaged with the videos, reminiscing and sharing memories, and we enjoyed tea and cake together afterward!

Do you have any Black heroes?

I greatly admire Nelson Mandela. He inspires me with his resilience; despite his struggles, he always saw hope. His journey reminds me not to give up on myself. As a Black person, I believe in the importance of resilience – keeping your head high and believing in yourself is essential. In my role, we receive training in dignity, diversity and inclusion, promoting equality and acceptance for everyone.

We asked one of our residents, Clodagh, about Tinu. She said, “From the first day she arrived, it was clear that Tinu had brought with her a deep knowledge of community living and the needs of residents – support, a listener, a problem-solver, and a proactive approach to health and wellness, both physical and mental. 

“She walks smiling into any meeting and lights it up with ideas, plans and information, and leaves us to decide. She absolutely owns her role in a sometimes difficult and complex job.” 