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UNiTE to End Violence against Women kicked off on 25th November – the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women – and runs until Human Rights Day on 10^th December.

Women are more likely to experience violence from someone they know than a stranger. Domestic abuse happens in every borough across London, to people of every gender, race and economic background. However, there are still many misconceptions around domestic abuse, from what it entails to how likely it is to happen.

Myth: Domestic abuse is rare

Sadly, domestic abuse is all too common. One in four women in the UK will experience it during their lifetime. The Met Police recorded 96,768 domestic abuse offences in London last year, but the actual number of cases is likely far higher. According to some studies, almost 250,000 adults in London will have experienced domestic abuse in the last 12 months.

Myth: Domestic abuse is always violent

Domestic abuse is primarily about control and doesn’t always involve violence. The domestic abuse charity Refuge describes it as, “a pattern of behaviour on the part of the abuser designed to control his partner.” It includes:

• Economic abuse: taking control of the partner’s wages or benefits, not allowing her access to money, stopping her from working, taking out credit cards or loans in her name, etc
• Psychological abuse: such as manipulation, constant criticism, threats, name-calling and stalking
• Sexual abuse: being forced or pressured into sexual acts
• Coercive control: a pattern of behaviour designed to control the partner, for example by monitoring her phone, isolating her from friends and family and telling her what to wear
• Physical abuse: hitting, pushing, choking or restraining her, throwing things at her, etc
• Technological abuse: sharing intimate images online, sending her abusive, threatening or intimidating messages, tracking her use of social media and websites, etc

Myth: If it was that bad, she’d leave.

There are many reasons why a woman stays with her abuser. She may believe that she’s to blame, or she may still love her partner and think that he can change. She may not want to break up the family unit or doesn’t feel that she can cope without her partner. Her religion and/or wider family may forbid divorce. She may also be scared about what her partner will do if she does leave.

Even when a woman desperately wants to escape her abuser, she may have been isolated from her family and friends and feel that she has nowhere to turn.

Myth: Once she leaves, the abuse will automatically stop.

Leaving an abuser can be an extremely dangerous time, particularly if he’s physically violent. The perpetrator will often want to retain control, so may continue to intimidate and harass his victim, for example by sending messages, following her or taking out debts in her name. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline can offer advice on the safest way to leave an abusive relationship.

Myth: Domestic abuse is only carried out by men against women

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, whatever their gender or sexual orientation, and the abuser can be male, female or non-binary. While women are far more likely than men to experience an abusive relationship, 13% of men have experienced domestic abuse. Men may be less likely to recognise that they are in an abusive relationship and too embarrassed to seek help.

Myth: I’d know if a family member, friend or colleague was experiencing domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse isn’t always easy to recognise. The abuser may act very differently in public and the person being abused may feel too frightened or ashamed to ask for help. If you suspect that someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, Refuge has advice on how you can support them.

Get support

If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

Angelou is a partnership of West Central London services that support women and girls affected by domestic violence and abuse. You can call Angelou for free on 0808 801 0660, email angelou@advancecharity.org.uk or visit www.angelou.org to find out more.

If you’re a man experiencing domestic abuse, call Respect’s Men’s Advice Line on 0808 8010327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit https://mensadviceline.org.uk. The ManKind charity can also help you to escape an abusive situation.

If you’re experiencing (or have experienced) domestic abuse, and you want to find out about counselling sessions in London, contact Woman’s Trust on:

• 020 7034 0303
• Email: office@womanstrust.org.uk

(Office hours: Mon-Fri, 9:30am – 5pm)

If you want to make a professional referral for someone under your care or supervision, call Woman’s Trust on 020 7034 0303.

The cost-of-living crisis has had a devastating impact on families who were already struggling to make ends meet. For many parents and carers, there is little-to-no money to spare for non-essentials like children’s clubs or extra-curricular activities.

It’s perhaps not surprising that, according to a report by Sport England, children and young people from less affluent homes get the least amount of physical exercise. Those from a global majority background, such as Black and Asian children, are also considerably less likely to be physically active than White children.

The Sulgrave Youth Club in Shepherds Bush welcomes 200-250 children and teenagers every week. The club was founded in 1926 and is now a registered charity. Three youth clubs meet weekly, all of which are free and offer a range of activities, such as football, dodgeball, table tennis, art and music. The club also runs low-cost taekwondo, drama and rollerskating clubs.

The benefits for the young people who take part extend far beyond physical exercise. Club Manager Nick Sazeides shares, “The club gives young people a safe place to be. It’s a place where they feel comfortable and know all the staff. It’s also a place where they can express themselves, and a place where they learn while having fun.”

One of the areas of learning is cookery. The young people are able to join in with cooking a healthy meal at the weekly youth clubs. For those experiencing food poverty, the meal they share with their friends at the club may well be the most nutritious they eat all week.

A junior member says, “It makes me more happy and I get to meet new friends, cook and do fun games. I have a place that makes my not good days better!”

The Sulgrave’s maths, English and science clubs are very popular. While many children struggle with these core subjects, those from low-income homes that don’t have English as a first language can find them particularly challenging. Nick shares a recent message from a parent: “Amaiah received outstanding results for her end-of-year exams. She almost got full marks on both math and English papers, a huge improvement from last year. Thank you all so much. It’s amazing how much an extra hour a week can help a child.”

Over 650 children and young people aged 7-19 come to the Sulgrave Youth Club every year. 73% are from minority ethnic communities; 59% live in areas of deprivation or receive free school meals; and 18% have a learning difficulty or disability. Most have little access to affordable facilities outside of the club or school. As one parent shares, “It’s hard to find inexpensive fun things to do with the kids but my daughter loves Sulgrave and it doesn’t hurt my pocket.”

Nick adds, “Young people can become bored, frustrated, and isolated if at home, or susceptible to negative peer pressure and potential anti-social behaviour if out on the streets. Without the opportunities offered to them by the Sulgrave, their experiences would be limited, their social development would be impaired, and their potential would not be fulfilled.”

One of the senior members shares, “Sulgrave is like a second home to me and the staff are like family and if the Club ever shut down it would feel like a piece of me disappeared.”

The Sulgrave Youth Club was awarded one of our Flexible Three Year Grants earlier this year. Nick says, “It was a real bonus as we lost our council contract last year and our running costs have increased. The grant will give us a degree of financial certainty.”

Find out more

You can find out more about the Sulgrave Youth Club on their website: www.thesulgraveclub.org.uk

If you’d like to apply for a Community Grant for your organisation, the current funding round is open until Monday 13^th January 2025. Find out how to apply here.

While looking after a young child can be very rewarding, it can also feel isolating at times, especially if you don’t have friends in the same situation. There are only so many times you can sing Old Macdonald before you start really craving adult conversation. And you have so many questions… Am I doing this right? Should they be walking by now? Can I please just have two minutes to drink a cup of tea in peace?

Parent and toddler groups serve a vital role in communities, bringing adults and children together to socialise and learn from one another. However, as Sharon Robinson, Chair of the Grove Parent and Toddler Group, shares, “So many of these groups have closed because they’re no longer funded by local authorities or by the government, leaving a significant gap in the community.”

The Grove Parent and Toddler Group was established around 50 years ago in Hammersmith and is still going strong despite financial challenges. The group meets three mornings a week. Crucially, the fee is just £3.50 per child, or £4 per family, making it affordable for most people in the area. It’s well attended by mums, dads, carers, childminders and nannies, who are able to share advice, ask questions and, crucially, socialise and form new friendships.

But the benefits aren’t just felt by the adults. As Sharon explains, “Development through play is a vital part of a child’s early years. Space to play is limited in inner cities, but here children get the opportunity to be part of a stimulating environment with safe outside space and to form their first social relationships with other children. We run a different creative activity each week and rotate toys regularly to hold the children’s interest. The outcome is that the children start school more confident, self-assured and with a wider sense of the world.”

One of the regular attendees, Maria, adds, “The playgroup is perfect. Great activities, space and healthy snacks. The children love coming here. Rahiya, the lady that runs the group, is kind and the children love her.”

The Grove Parent and Toddler Group is able to keep fees low thanks to grants and other donations. The group has received several grants from Hammersmith United Charities over the years, as we recognise how important it is to local families.

Sharon shares, “Our two main expenses are hiring the space and paying the play leader who runs the sessions. It’s these kinds of running costs that charities need most help with, but so many grants are only offered for equipment or specific projects. Hammersmith United Charities are one of the few that will fund running costs and they’ve been brilliant. They realise that, in the grand scheme of things, we only require a small amount of money to survive, but it means such a lot to us and the people who come here.”

Find out more

The Grove Parent and Toddler Group runs three drop-in sessions a week during term time: Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, 10am-12 noon. There’s no need to book.

The group meets at the Grove Neighbourhood Centre, a registered charity which hosts a wide range of activities, from pilates and yoga to a weekly lunch club.

Hammersmith United Charities has supported a few of the groups that meet at the centre, including granting £300 towards a coach trip to Brighton and £3,300 for therapeutic art sessions. Find out what’s on at the centre here.

Loneliness is hard to cope with at any time of the year, but it can be particularly challenging during the festive period. Older people who live alone can find it especially difficult. According to Age UK, 2.3 million older people said they wished they had someone to spend time with last Christmas.

Thanks to H&F Giving, up to 500 people aged 60+ will celebrate Christmas Day at a free party at the Novotel London West. As well as a two-course lunch, guests will enjoy carols, live entertainment, music and dancing. They’ll also be given a goodie bag of Christmas treats to take home. The event is completely free for Hammersmith and Fulham residents who are 60 or older, and free transport will also be arranged through the HATS Group.

The Big Christmas Day Lunch is a joint effort with Hammersmith and Fulham Council. It’s entirely funded by donations and corporate sponsors, and only made possible with the help of more than 100 local volunteers.

Support the Big Christmas Day lunch

• Do you know someone who might be alone at Christmas? Please let them know about the Big Christmas Day lunch. Places are free but you do need to book by Monday 16 December.
• If you’d like to make a donation to support the lunch, you can do so here.
• Volunteers are needed to help residents to and from the minibuses. Please email ali@hatsgroup.com if you’re able to help.

Other support for older people

Age UK has several services to help reduce loneliness amongst older people, including a Telephone Friendship Service. If you know someone who would benefit from a weekly chat over the phone, you can find out more here.